How to Find Joy in Parenting Again

Are you stuck in a rut? Burnt out as a parent? Just living every day for what feels like the 5 minutes of sleep before you have to wake up and do it all over again? Where is the joy you once had for parenting and having a family? What happened to the dreams you had for your family before everything became so mundane?

Something's got to change and I'm here to help you find your joy again so you can stop being burnt out and start living your best life as a mom or dad again. Start with just one idea from the following list, and slowly build up until you are no longer burnt out!

1. Self care

Please, for the love of your family, make the time to take care of YOU. No one is going to do this one for you, as much as we wish someone would. How do you feel when you're undernourished, sleep deprived, a day or two behind on a shower, hair up in a messy bun for the third day in a row? Not great, right? 

Now, how do you feel when you're sparkling clean, hair done, well-dressed, well-fed and well-rested? A little better, right? A little more willing to play with the kids, a little less prone to snapping at them over something insignificant. Make sure you're filling up your own cup so you have something to pour into your loved ones' cups as well.

2. Love in the moment

That's right, love in the moment. There's living in the moment, and then, there's loving in the moment. Living in the moment is the first step. It's taking a step back from the chaos and noise in your mind, taking a pause, breathing, accepting what is, dirty diapers, messes on the floor, screaming tantrums and all. Imagine yourself taking a step back when things get hectic and you feel like you're going to explode. Take that pause, even if it's just a split second, and try to stretch it out. Step backwards in your mind from what's going on. It's easy to get caught up in the emotions of a moment, after all. Imagine yourself literally taking a step backwards and removing yourself from the immediate present. Will this matter in the whole scheme of things? If it's critical, like someone is in danger, act fast. Otherwise, take a moment to breathe and let the peace wash over you.

Loving in the moment is what comes next. It's embracing your reality, your situation, the people around you. It's knowing they're exactly who you need and that they need you exactly as you are. Face it, we're all very flawed creatures at the end of the day. No one is perfect, but we can be perfect for each other. 

This is where we being having fun with our family, laughing with them, singing, dancing, being silly, making everyday tasks a game, cherishing what we have right now because it will never be exactly like it is now again. This energy shift is what makes everything that comes next so much better.

3. Show gratitude

First, you have to be grateful. I know, it's so easy not to! It's so easy to overlook all of our blessings and wish we had the money, the stuff, the life that all those other people seem to have. But you really have to dig deep here. There is so much to be grateful for. Think about how many people in the world would give an arm and a leg to have what you have right now. A healthy, working body and mind, food on the table, a family to love, a roof over your head, a soft bed, lights, power... 

One big way to boost your gratitude is to give back to your community. When you see first-hand how some people are living, we often see our own lives anew. It's also great for children to see that they can help the world too. Try to find volunteer opportunities in your community. Churches and local non-profits are a great place to start. You can also just keep your eyes open in your neighborhood. Maybe you have an elderly neighbor who could benefit from help with cleaning house, taking care of the yard or picking up groceries. I like to bring a pair of grabbers and a trash bag along on walks and pick up trash off the side of the road with my girls. Not everything has to be huge, sometimes the best ways to help are the small, every day acts of kindness.

I also highly recommend keeping a gratitude journal. Writing just 3-5 things that you are grateful for every day has been shown to increase happiness. Challenge: try to think of new things everyday that you haven't listed before! Not only will you be training your brain to seek out the positives in your life, you will soon have an entire notebook devoted to the glimmers in your life.

4. Clear your schedule

Are you overworked and over-scheduled? I was. At one point one of my daughters was in gymnastics, softball, basketball, Cub Scouts, rock climbing club, and school all at the same time! Plus, the rest of the family had appointments, work, and other activities to go to. I wanted her to have opportunities, but it got to the point where she didn't really have days off and there were days I didn't even see my toddler. We were both burnt out. 

Once I cut back on the insistent push toward specialized and competitive sports, it freed up time to connect, travel and really just have fun with one another as a family again. I'm so grateful that now we have time to just play in the yard, go on walks and bike rides and be a family.

5. Play

It can be hard for many parents to play with their children. Some adults just don't get into imaginative play anymore (or their child doesn't let them use their own imagination and instead tries to run the entire game/situation themselves 🙋🏼‍♀️.) Some don't like puzzles or board games (sorry, can't relate here.) 

But odds are, there is something that counts as play that you can do with your children. It's just a matter of finding something that works for both of you. For me, Barbies with my daughter is a 10-20 minute task, max, because I get very bored of my daughter constantly writing the story line and telling me/my Barbies what to do. But I can do a puzzle, play board games or play outside on the playground for hours. Even taking a walk with me can fill up my daughters' cups, if I intentionally connect with them. What can you do that counts as play to connect with your kids? Do more of that.

6. Get uncomfortable

Have you found yourself doing the exact same things day in day out, week after week, month after month, year after year. It's time to mix it up and try something you've never done or at least don't do often! Do you generally like to stay indoors? Head outside for a hike or even a weekend (or one-night) camping (ahem*glamping*ahem) trip! Spend every weekend at home? Go on a road trip or find a new museum to check out! Always going out? Try staying in for a pajama movie night complete with pizza, popcorn, soda and candy!

7. Up the ante on your relationships

Let's be honest here. Have you stopped trying to do more for your relationships? Gotten in a habit with the people you love? Take this as a sign that it's time to step up and take it to the next level. Whether it's your kids, spouse, parents, or friends, we need to make a continual effort to be intentional in improving and strengthening our relationships. This applies even more when we're feeling stressed or uninspired. 

Try talking with them in a new way. Do you find yourself always asking "how was your day?" and getting "fine" as a response? Maybe skip that for now and instead make time to ask them about some of their favorite things or go deeper into an issue they're currently having. 

Are you taking time to fill them up with love? I am a big fan of the Love Languages theory, but I think everyone needs all of them to some degree. For me example, even if they didn't think they're a gift person, sometimes a thoughtful little token can make them feel special. If you don't know the Love Languages, they are: quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation and gifts. Most people are higher in one or two, but all are important in healthy relationships.

8. Stop comparing

You see another mom at the grocery store, or school, or church and she's got something you don't. Maybe it's that adorable Kate Spade bag you've been drooling over. Maybe it's obscenely well-behaved children (How dare she!) Maybe it's a "perfect" mom bod. You start to compare yourself to the version of her that you see, wondering why you can't seem to get it together the way She can. We all do this all the time, but it's time to stop! You may not know that underneath it all, she's struggling with an illness, fertility health, family struggles or any number of other problems. It's so easy to imagine that someone else has it all, but do you know anyone who doesn't have something going in their life? Almost everyone is struggling with *something* All. The. Time.

Remember that what we see is only a part of the picture. Most people, both online and in real life, are trying to put their best foot forward. They're sharing their highlight reel with you, unless you're close enough to hear the real talk.

Don't forget, while you're looking at someone else comparing yourself to them, someone else may be doing the same to you. So the only person you should be comparing yourself to is the person you were yesterday and the person you want to be tomorrow. Being grateful really helps with this, as does listing out your best qualities and strengths. The more you invest in yourself, getting to know yourself, your genuine likes, loves and hopes, the happier you will be.

9. Focus on you and yours

If you're always looking to someone else, how can you even know who you really are? Think back to your childhood. What lit you up? What would you do for hours, losing yourself in? What do you want to get back in to? What do you want to introduce your children to that you haven't found time for yet? The more you focus on what you've got in the here and now, the better you'll all be. The grass grows where you water it!

10. Get Help

If you've tried all these tips, and your still but seeing a change in your mental state. If you're still burnt out after all this, it's definitely time to reach out. Enlist family, friends, neighbors, and even paid help like babysitters, daycare providers, maid services and more. Also, reach out to a mental health provider, counselor, therapist, Doctor to help you with what you're going through. No one should have to go through these things alone and therapy isn't just for "crazy" people. You'll get valuable insight from a professional. 

What are your tips to avoid or overcome burnout? Let me know below and follow 

Woohoomommy on Instagram, Facebook, Threads, and YouTube! 

See you over there!